10 years. It's hard to believe it's been 10 years. So much happened between then and now. While I'm trying to remember the one wonderful thing that happened 10 years ago (the birth of my BFF's daughter), it's hard to not think about the other event that happened that year (when it's everywhere you look, think, talk).
September 11, 2001. A beautiful Tuesday morning. I woke up with not a care in the world except going to work and getting to my classes that evening. I had been 21 for a month, I had been living away from home for just a few weeks and was starting to get settled into college and my job at Walmart in the Pharmacy while missing home and learning who I was. But the events that would unfold that day made me realize I had no idea what I was in for as an adult.
Looking back over my post from last year, most of what I would say about where I was and what I was doing that day would of course be the same. My emotions would be the same. But I have been spending time trying to remember more about that day, that time and how I felt before and after. The previous year I had experienced a lot of loss during the summer all at once. A friend was killed then my Grams passed away all at once. I didn't deal well it and still hadn't fully dealt with them well by the following September. I was lucky enough to say that I did not know anyone personally that died that September day, but it didn't mean I didn't mourn.
I was a new college student, first time away from home, first time on my own. My roommate, my friends and I sat in our apt watching the news, watching all the crazy stuff happening around us. A friend and I went looking for gas because we heard that it was going to go up in price and that they were going to run out. I didn't sleep well because I lived on the 3rd floor of a building and was having nightmares about planes flying into my building. I wasn't dealing with the attacks well, so what was one of the first thing that I did? I ran home to mommy. Who knew what was going to happen next? There were rumors all the time about more attacks or more events, so I wanted to be with my mom and my friends. I spent a few days at home hiding from the world. (I can only handle so much time with my step-dad so I had to go back to school.) I would come home a few days later to celebrate the birth of my friend's first child. That was a bright spot in all the darkness that had come into the world at that time.
The next few years were still filled with anxiety. I, being the history buff that I am, would watch everything that I could find about 9/11. (I still do that to this day and I think it drives hubs crazy at times). I worried about things happening all the time because you would still hear rumors about things being reported. Heck there was even an event at the local airport that had caused concern because someone had a water bottle that was thought to have explosive residue on it. But those concerns just became a part of daily life now. I didn't worry about them before 9/11 but they seemed to be everywhere after wards.
I hadn't flown on a plane since 99 (which was also the only time I had flown), but then I had to fly to CT so that I could get married to hubs. I was terrifed to say the least. I worried about who was on the plane and if they would do something. (On a flight that I took a couple of months later was even worse because of a couple of people who I thought were acting odd, but that was all in my head). We had to take our shoes off to go through a scanner now (and of course I only wear flip flops lol) and on the way home I had to go through extra security because I had a knee brace that had metal in it. And the flight was delayed because of a electrical problem and I was freaking out. As we were flying over NYC I couldn't help but think about that day and what happened and what those people saw as they flew into NYC.
Going to the actual Ground Zero site was an experience. We couldn't really see much of what was going on at the actual site because there were fences all around. But being there I felt like I could feel all the souls that were lost that day. We walked around the area, and we went into a little resturant that had been a place where people had ran into when the dust cloud fell down on the area. We then walked around to Battery Park and saw the Sphere that had been at WTC Plaza. That was an awesome experience to see it. And driving by the Pentagon a few months ago held the same kind of feeling for me as did walking at Ground Zero.
I still have anxiety about things happening. I worry when they talk about possible attacks, but I've learned that it's just what the norm is going to be for the rest of our lives. Being a military spouse I guess I worry about more attacks because of what that could mean for hubs. I still look up things about the attacks (something on tv or in passing will trigger it). I know that I shouldn't worry about things and just give it to God, but it's hard to do when you want to control everything in your life. I try to figure out what I will tell D when he asks about what happened. I hope that he will not have to go through something like this, but it seems as though every generation has some experience that they go through. I hope that you will spend the day with your loved ones and take some time to honor those that lost their lives that day and that have given their lives since. May they all rest in peace and May God Bless America.
