Forgive? How can I possibly forgive? A review

Forgiveness has been something that I've struggled with in the past. So I was excited to read How Can I Possibly Forgive? A new book by Sara Horn. She starts out with a story about how she had been avoiding having a conversation with someone who she was having a strained relationship with and there seemed to be issues, but when she finally talked with her, the other person said, nope nothing's wrong, yet everything had been telling Sara there was. How many times had that be me? Avoiding answering a call or going some where because I didn't want to deal with emotions/situations.

The chapter that really hit me is Chapter 3 "In Seasons of Rumble". On Page 59, Sara writes,

"Bitterness does that to you. When life happens and circumstances feel unfair, when you sense yourself in the crosshairs of an undeserved target, or maybe just as an innocent bystander not looking for trouble or for problems, you can quickly move from sadness to resentment, from denial to anger. You might get mad at other people, putting blame squarely on their shoulders, or you might even get mad at God.

The thing about bitterness, though, is it's not easy to hide. Eventually, you expose yourself. Your sour feelings come out."

How many of us can relate to that? I know that I've been feeling that way dealing with the stress of this separation and everything that seems going wrong in my life. But if we can learn to deal with what is going on, it will make it somewhat easier to get through the "Big Hurts" as Sara calls them.  Sara writes on Page 60, 

"How easily we can be changed by our circumstances and challenges, by the Big Hurts we come up against."

 But if we can learn to let go of the bitterness, or whatever it is, we can hopefully get to a place of forgiveness. God wants us to have that.

At the end of each of the 10 chapters in the book, there are five ways/reasons/truths to go along with the topic of each chapter, which range from ideas such as: "Getting Over It" and Other Myths; Forgiving Yourself; When You're Mad at God; and Listening Through the Noise. Sara puts a lot of heart into her writing and use such real experiences from her own life to help readers deal with the hurts, the scars, the noise and anything else that cause us pain so that we can learn to forgive others and most importantly ourselves.

Sara's book, "How Can I Possibly Forgive? Rescuing Your Heart from Resentment and Regret comes out October 1 and can be found at Amazon and other places as well.

I was given a copy of the book as a member of the Launch team. The review and comments are my own

Hope Quotient

Hope....... Hope is used in so many ways, at so many different times and for so many different reasons.  Hope is what some people have to live for. We have many hopes for our children/marriage/self etc.

The Hope Quotient is a great read about how to get hope in your life. There is a quiz you can take to discover your Hope IQ. Using the key factors that Johnston lays out, like recharging your batteries, that is something that I can relate to. I know when I'm feeling down and defeated, there is going to be a lot less hope in me.

This would be a great book to do as a bible study or book club read. I hope to use it with my women's group at some point because I think it has a lot to offer anyone who could use some Hope in their lives, and really, who couldn't?

Book Description

What’s at the heart of every thriving person, every thriving marriage, kid, and business?
Hope!
The Hope Quotient is a revolutionary new method for measuring—and dramatically increasing—your level of hope. Hope is more than a feeling; it’s the by-product of seven key factors. When these are present in your life, they cause hope to thrive.
Factor 1: Recharge Your Batteries Nobody does well running on empty.
Factor 2: Raise Your Expectations You don’t get what you deserve; you get what you expect.
Factor 3: Refocus on the Future It’s time to throw away your rearview mirror. No one goes forward well when they are looking back.
Factor 4: Play to Your Strengths Be yourself; everyone else is taken.
Factor 5: Refuse to Go It Alone Never underestimate the power of support. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.
Factor 6: Replace Burnout with Balance Burning the candle at both ends isn’t as bright as you think.
Factor 7: Play Great Defense Avoid these five toxic hope killers that can threaten your future.
Using seven years of research, powerful biblical illustrations, and compelling human-interest stories, Ray Johnston explains how these seven essential factors will support, sustain, and strengthen your hope. And when consciously built into your life, how they will unleash hope in your marriage, your kids, your career, your church, your community, and the world.
Discover your HQ level, the most important contributor to your overall success, and then learn how to improve it. Because when hope rises—everything changes.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Braver living can be just a read away......

Is there a cure for perfection? Is there anything to help you not to fight to be perfect in every single thing? Well there might not be some magical pill or anything like that, but there's a great book out there that can at least help you to "stop trying harder and start living braver"!

I have always tried to be perfect in some way or another. But we all know that is something that can't really be done. There is only one true and perfect person and well we aren't Him. But that doesn't mean that I shouldn't at least try to do the best that I can and be Brave!!

In The Cure for the "Perfect" Life Kathi and Cheri break down what they call "P" bullies: Perfectionism, People-Pleasing, Performancism, and Procrastination. Let me tell you, when I took the  quiz on one of the first pages and it said that I was suffering from full-blown THL (Try-Harder Living) I knew I was in trouble. I read through the descriptions of each of the P bullies and marked the parts that I knew that had been affecting my life. I thought that Procrastination would be my biggest one, but People Pleasing is. Well they all are really depending on the day.

Kathi and Cheri go through and discuss ways to beat the bullies that we've bought into. Bullies like: "If I can't do it right, I won't do it at all."  and "I don't do angry" and explain what is going on when we are dealing with that bully and ways to combat it. They describe 4 types of Rebels ( Expressive, Analytical, Driving, and Amiable) which can determine how we will respond to each of the bullies. I am a mix of Amiable and Analytical with a tad of Expressive. At the end of each of the 12 bully chapters, they break down ways to rebel against that bully and how each of the rebel types may deal with the situation.

 The end of each chapter helped shed so much light on each of the bullies that I've been dealing with through my life and gave me better ideas on how to deal with some of the things I've been going through. Man I wish I would have had this book a few years ago, it could have helped with some of my problems I've had.

If you are tired of feeling defeated, trying to hard, or just need a little boast of brave, I think that reading this book would totally help you. I know that I'm working on my P bullies and trying to live braver. Now I really do need to find a bravery buddy. Anyone interested?

You can download the first chapter for free from here!!!!

From the back cover:

Are you crumbling under the burden of perfection?

You know the expectations are unreasonable–even unreachable.

And when everyone else seems more together than you, where do you turn for help?

Meet Kathi, a disguised perfectionist always looking to put everyone else’s needs above her own, and Cheri, a formerly confused and exhausted poster girl for playing it safe.  They’ve struggled just like you–and found the cure. With unabashed empathy and humor, they invite you to take part in their rebellion against perfection. Step-by-step they’ll teach you how to challenge and change unhealthy beliefs. As they free you from always seeking more or needing the approval of others, you’ll discover a new, braver way of living. At last, you’ll exchange outdated views of who you should be for a clearer vision of who you are in Christ.

The truth is you don’t have to be perfect.

You just have to be brave enough to read this book.

From the Introduction:

Even though we have different life stories, we’ve both succumbed to Try-Harder Living. We used to look for the nice, polite ways to follow God’s call. We caved to others’ expectations for too long. We finally decided stop taking our cues from the world and start asking ourselves, “What does God want from me … and have for me?”
And we’ve come to the conclusion: there is no nice, polite way to do this. There’s no easy way to leave the life that’s been expected of us and to start living the brave, not so neatly tied up life that God is calling us to.
We have to rebel. We have to make choices that are countercultural to our society, our families of origin, and even our churches.
We’re guessing that as you’ve read our stories you’ve said, “Me too!” at one point or another (or perhaps, several points.) Most women we know are fighting THL to some degree.

We get it. We’ve been there. We have the souvenir travel mugs. And because life isn’t perfect, those mugs have leaked all over our shirts. (It’s the official uniform for the recovering perfectionist—a nice white shirt with a huge stain down the front.)

Come join our rebellion. We have cupcakes. The frosting is a little mushed, but hey, they still taste great. And they aren’t homemade. But we’re okay with that.
As we share our own rebel stories and strategies, we hope you will

• exchange outdated views of who you “should be” for a clear do-able vision of who you are in Christ.
• take control of that too long to-do list so it no longer controls you.
• stop striving to maintain an image and live with more freedom day-to-day.
• overcome the tyranny of “more” and radically live with the abundance of “enough.”
• stop trying to earn others’ approval and learn to rest in God’s lavish unconditional love.

About the Authors:

Kathi Lipp

Website:   http://www.KathiLipp.com
Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/AuthorKathiLipp
Twitter:    https://twitter.com/kathilipp
Pinterest:  http://www.pinterest.com/kathilipp/
Kathi Lipp is the author of The Husband Project, The Me Project, The Get Yourself Organized Project, 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids, and several other books. Kathi’s articles have appeared in dozens of magazines, and she is a frequent guest on Focus on the Family radio and TV. She and her husband Roger are parents of four young adults in San Jose, California. Kathi shares her story at retreats, conferences, and women’s events across the United States. Connect with her at www.KathiLipp.com, on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/AuthorKathiLipp, or on Twitter @KathiLipp.

Cheri Gregory

Website:  http://www.CheriGregory.com
Facebook:   https://www.facebook.com/CheriGregoryAuthor
Twitter:    https://twitter.com/CheriGregory
Pinterest:   http://www.pinterest.com/CheriGregory
Cheri Gregory is a Certified Personality Trainer; contributor to multiple books, including Wired That Way and 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids; and frequent speaker for MOPS groups, women’s retreats, parent workshops, and educational conferences. She is also a high school English teacher and graduate student. Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel (her opposite personality), a pastor, for over a quarter-of-a-century; they have two college-aged kids (who are also opposite personalities). She blogs about expectations, “baditude”, and hope at www.CheriGregory.com. Connect with her on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/Cheri.Gregory.Author and Twitter @CheriGregory.

The Sticky Faith guide for your family review

 

I loved the title of this book. I know that I want my children to grow up with the faith that I wish I would have grown up with. And since I'm still learning my way through my faith, any thing that I an get my hands on to help me as well as my family is always a plus. The topics that are covered in this book include: You Get What You Are: Modeling sticky faith; Handling Mistakes: Showing Sticky Forgiveness; Connecting: Finding ways to relate to your teenager (I know that I have a few more years to go on this, but it is a helpful section); Communication: Talking Faith With your Kids and so much more.

The topics that are discussed are easy to apply to any family type and seems to help with all ages. I know that this books is going to be a great resource for the next few years to come with my two littles.

Book Description

The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family addresses one of the top current concerns about youth and the church: the reality that nearly half of all young people raised in Christian families walk away from their faith when they graduate from high school. That's the bad news. But here's the good news: research also shows that parents are one of the primary influences on their child's faith.

This book arises from the innovative, research-based, and extensively field-tested project known as "Sticky Faith," designed to equip parents with insights and ideas for nurturing long-term faith in children and young people. Grounded in academically verified data, The Sticky Faith Guide for Your Family is a positive and practical resource that empowers parents to take the small steps that can translate into big progress in their kids' spiritual journeys.

Even busy families will find the "guidebook" format accessible and easy to use. More importantly, they'll be equipped with research-tested tools to nurture a strong faith in the next generation.

 Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookLook Bloggers <http://booklookbloggers.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

friend. not been a good one.

I don't feel like a good friend a lot of the time. Or maybe it's that I don't feel like I'm the friend I want to be or should be. I love people (most of the time). I love helping people, feeling like I've done something to make their life better. Guess that's why I went into a helping profession, even though I've not done anything with it for several years. But when I had kids, that became a whole other story. Well, maybe even before that.

I am a very emotional person. On so many levels. I choose to care about other people's emotions and thoughts just as much as my own. And with such, well I hate to be a bother to people. I hate to call someone (or text) and say "Hey wanna hang out?" because I don't want to bother people. So I just wait, thinking that maybe someone will contact me when they want to hang out. But you know what, that rarely happens. Not the fault of the other person, it's just what happens.

This whole thing of feeling like I'm bothering people has evolved more so with the kids because now it's "Well the kids are crazy sometimes, and don't listen, and I just don't want to bother anyone with that." So I isolate us. Not good. Not good for the kids. D at least goes to preschool for 3 hours a day, and we have church a couple of times a week when he gets to see kids, but church right now is the only place A gets a lot of her socialization. And it's the only place I get a lot of it too.

How do I overcome this feeling of "Well I don't want to bother you, I'll just wait till you want to hang out with me?"

I feel like I've lost a lot of friendships because of this over the past few years. I know lots of people in the area, but don't ever see them. And it's sad. Because the people I know are awesome people and I would love to see them and hang with them and let our kids spend time together and all develop the friendships that we had started to have, but I let stop because of stupid feelings.

 The whole feeling of bothering people can totally been seen rooted in my other issue of depression. I'm not afraid anymore of talking about my depression. There's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. It's something I've dealt with for more than half my life, and I've finally started to accept it and I'm working on it. Starting to get the help that I need. And with that hopefully I will be able to get back the friendships that I really want and our family could use, so that we can grow to be healthier, happier people.

So yea, there it is. I've been feeling like a bother and haven't wanted to bother people so I didn't. But when you, hopefully, start seeing the improvements, hopefully you'll start seeing us too.

Home is ...

I hate moving. I really REALLY do. But then I married a sailor, and moving is supposed to be apart of this life. And I'm ok with that... as long as someone packs my stuff... well most of my stuff. The last few months have been insane. But seems like that is all my life is right now. In July, not long after Hubs went back to CA for school from his month visit, I was moving something in the kitchen and low and behold I found mold!!! Seems like there was a leak in the wall by the fridge from out an outside water spigot. We missed it when we replaced all the plumbing last year from the water damage. So then starts another month of work in my house. I was already over water damage and mold from last year, but now this was adding to my breaking point.

Well then we decided to pursue the option of finding a new house, which we did and at the end of August we became the proud owner of another house. That's right, at the moment we have two homes. But don't worry, we are placing the other house on the market soon to get rid of it. Hopefully someone else will have the patience and money to love it the way that we wanted.

Our new house isn't without problems it seems, despite a home inspection, mold inspection and many other things. But hopefully things will get fixed soon and we can move on with our lives in this new house. There are many things that make this house much better than the last. The biggest one is the fact that it's got a lot more space. While it's only 3 bedrooms, there is so much space. There is a formal living room that will be a playroom probably and if and when my mom comes to live with us will be turned into a bedroom. There is a bonus room upstairs between the kids rooms that I'm going to turn into a library/guest room. and the master bedroom could actually be two rooms. And it has two closets, one of which is going to be a office/craft room for me. And even though the back yard is smaller, it's entirely fenced in, so no worrying about kids running into the street or falling into water. Only bad thing about it, is that it backs up to a main road and I guess some time in the last year there have been some cars that have ran the red light and crashed into the fence. And it can kind of be loud when an emergency vehicle drives by, but it doesn't bother me too much (yet).

I hope that this will be the forever home that we were hoping for. We had such hope for our last house, but the problems that arose over the last few years just broke our hearts about the dreams and plans we had for it. I hope that we can make this the home that we wanted. Poor Hubs has only seen pictures, and will only get to spend a short amount of time in it for awhile (that's another update to make when I can)

So as you can read it's been a whole lotta crazy here, and that's just house drama. Oh the stories to tell. But that's for the next post. Gotta get back into the habit of posting. Gotta try to get some of this pent up frustration out.