9/11 10 years

10 years. It's hard to believe it's been 10 years. So much happened between then and now. While I'm trying to remember the one wonderful thing that happened 10 years ago (the birth of my BFF's daughter), it's hard to not think about the other event that happened that year (when it's everywhere you look, think, talk).

September 11, 2001. A beautiful Tuesday morning. I woke up with not a care in the world except going to work and getting to my classes that evening. I had been 21 for a month, I had been living away from home for just a few weeks and was starting to get settled into college and my job at Walmart in the Pharmacy while missing home and learning who I was. But the events that would unfold that day made me realize I had no idea what I was in for as an adult.

Looking back over my post from last year, most of what I would say about where I was and what I was doing that day would of course be the same. My emotions would be the same. But I have been spending time trying to remember more about that day, that time and how I felt before and after. The previous year I had experienced a lot of loss during the summer all at once. A friend was killed then my Grams passed away all at once. I didn't deal well it and still hadn't fully dealt with them well by the following September. I was lucky enough to say that I did not know anyone personally that died that September day, but it didn't mean I didn't mourn.

I was a new college student, first time away from home, first time on my own. My roommate, my friends and I sat in our apt watching the news, watching all the crazy stuff happening around us. A friend and I went looking for gas because we heard that it was going to go up in price and that they were going to run out. I didn't sleep well because I lived on the 3rd floor of a building and was having nightmares about planes flying into my building. I wasn't dealing with the attacks well, so what was one of the first thing that I did? I ran home to mommy. Who knew what was going to happen next? There were rumors all the time about more attacks or more events, so I wanted to be with my mom and my friends. I spent a few days at home hiding from the world. (I can only handle so much time with my step-dad so I had to go back to school.) I would come home a few days later to celebrate the birth of my friend's first child. That was a bright spot in all the darkness that had come into the world at that time.

The next few years were still filled with anxiety. I, being the history buff that I am, would watch everything that I could find about 9/11. (I still do that to this day and I think it drives hubs crazy at times). I worried about things happening all the time because you would still hear rumors about things being reported. Heck there was even an event at the local airport that had caused concern because someone had a water bottle that was thought to have explosive residue on it. But those concerns just became a part of daily life now.  I didn't worry about them before 9/11 but they seemed to be everywhere after wards.

I hadn't flown on a plane since 99 (which was also the only time I had flown), but then I had to fly to CT so that I could get married to hubs. I was terrifed to say the least. I worried about who was on the plane and if they would do something. (On a flight that I took a couple of months later was even worse because of a couple of people who I thought were acting odd, but that was all in my head). We had to take our shoes off to go through a scanner now (and of course I only wear flip flops lol) and on the way home I had to go through extra security because I had a knee brace that had metal in it. And the flight was delayed because of a electrical problem and I was freaking out.  As we were flying over NYC I couldn't help but think about that day and what happened and what those people saw as they flew into NYC.

Going to the actual Ground Zero site was an experience. We couldn't really see much of what was going on at the actual site because there were fences all around. But being there I felt like I could feel all the souls that were lost that day. We walked around the area, and we went into a little resturant that had been a place where people had ran into when the dust cloud fell down on the area. We then walked around to Battery Park and saw the Sphere that had been at WTC Plaza. That was an awesome experience to see it.  And driving by the Pentagon a few months ago held the same kind of feeling for me as did walking at Ground Zero.

I still have anxiety about things happening. I worry when they talk about possible attacks, but I've learned that it's just what the norm is going to be for the rest of our lives. Being a military spouse I guess I worry about more attacks because of what that could mean for hubs. I still look up things about the attacks (something on tv or in passing will trigger it). I know that I shouldn't worry about things and just give it to God, but it's hard to do when you want to control everything in your life. I try to figure out what I will tell D when he asks about what happened. I hope that he will not have to go through something like this, but it seems as though every generation has some experience that they go through. I hope that you will spend the day with your loved ones and take some time to honor those that lost their lives that day and that have given their lives since. May they all rest in peace and May God Bless America.

September 11

It's so hard to believe that 9 years have come and gone since that fateful day. I will never forget, as will so many many others. I had just moved away from home for the first time to finish my college education a few weeks before. I was still so young and naive about so many things in our world. I had just turned 21 a month before and of course my focus was on boys, college, and other things that college kids think of. I didn't follow the news much, I didn't pay attention to the world around me outside of my friends. I had always wondered what would be the defining moment in my generation/lifetime. There was Pearl Harbor, Vietnam, JFK, WWI and II, and it just seemed that my generation hadn't had a big event that would define us. That was until one day in September.

I was working that morning at Walmart in the Pharmacy. I had afternoon and evening classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I worked the opening shift. There was a girl that had been in the night before to pick up her meds but couldn't because they weren't ready. She was to be on an overseas flight on that Tuesday, but came in to the pharmacy and was complaining that she wouldn't be able to take her flight because someone had crashed into the tower in NYC. Before long the TVs that Walmart had turned into the news coverage and we watched in horror as the 2nd plane hit. To say I was stunned would be an understatement. I couldn't think, couldn't focus. We had the radio on too and were listening to all the news reports that were coming in. So many things were being said, and it just seemed to get worse and worse. I had tried to call my mom at home but couldn't get through. I didn't know what to do, all I knew was that I needed to be with my family and my friends. I had called my roommate and told them what was going on, they had been still asleep and had no idea. We watched as the towers fell, I stood and listened as the plane went down in Washington, and feared as the plane went down in PA, which was not far from where I grew up (by a few hours).

Of course that night, my friends and I sat in my apt and watched the news. Watched as more things happened and waited to see what would be next. People kept talking about how our area would be attacked next since we lived near so many chemical plants and oil refineries. All I could think was that I needed to get home to my mom. So I took a few days off work and went home to hide out and wait for what I thought could have been the end. I went back to school for a few days, then came back home because my best friend had her first child on the 20th. I could not believe that something so beautiful could come into a world so horrible, but was grateful that she had been born and hoped that her world would be good to her.

Over the next few years I made the choice to try to be as informed as I could, I kept up with news and didn't want to be unaware of things that were going on around me. As a military spouse I also use that to know if my husband could be taken away from us to fight in another war or fight. I did not like the way that I felt that day. Scared of everything and everyone. Afraid of what could happen. It is really no way to live, always looking over your shoulder, wondering when the next attack will occur. I try not to think about it as much, but things like this have a larger impact on my life than before. I have always been proud of our servicemembers, they fight to keep us safe. I tear up when I see a flag or hear the National Anthem, but it's more so now that I have a duty to my husband as well as my country. I have a duty to remember what happened that day, to teach my children about that day, and to never forget the lives that were lost and the lives lost since then in response to that day. I'm grateful for my faith, for my friends and family, because without them I would not be able to understand the world we live. And without them I am nothing. I will never forget that day, because a part of my innocence died that day, a part of me that I will never be able to get back. When tragic events happen, we need to learn and grow from them, and I will always carry that day with me and learn from how I felt. I hope that we never have to face something as horrible as that again, but history seems to tell us otherwise. I hope for the sake of my son that he never has to experience it first hand, but I hope to equip him with the knowledge and faith to make it through anything.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, it is jumbled but so our my thoughts at times. Always remember, never forget the sacrifices that are made by our Service Members and their families for the pursuit of Freedom, because Freedom isn't Free.