Forgiveness

Lately I've been trying to deal with my past. Not something that is easy for me because I have chosen to block a large bit out. But while I was doing a study at church, it brought up some issues that I really should deal with. A big thing was with forgiveness. I have been one to hold a grudge, who hasn't really. But that is not a way to live, it tears at you and leaves you broken. So in my process of trying to forgive some people in my past, I figured I also better ask for forgiveness from someone I had hurt in the past. It's not something I took lightly or easily, but I finally did it the best that I could. And as far as I can tell it was welcomed. I didn't realize that the events that had let up to that had been hiding away in my heart and just waiting till I was ready. It took a long time and I'm still trying to process it all. I'm hoping that by asking for forgiveness, maybe I'll be able to finally forgive. But how can you forgive many, many, many years of pain, suffering, abuse, etc? I guess that will be something I will learn here soon hopefully. And it's awesome that the next sermon series at church is about forgiveness. Man, God is really speaking to me right now through my presence at church, and I tell you what, it feels great. I have spent some many years suffering from depression (among other things), but by letting God back into my life I have found some happiness that I haven't had in a long time. God has been helping me through this deployment, and missing hubs and the trying times with D. And I don't think I would be doing as well if I didn't have the friends that I have, the activities that I have, the communicate that we have this deployment (which is still hard to get use to) and God to guide me through.